Blind Man's Bluff
by rossandrachelforever
Summary: Rachel battles depression but finds that there's nothing left for her in life... even loved ones sometimes can't make things better, or can they?


Blind Man's Bluff  
  
"I hate my life" Rachel moaned into her hands as all of her best friends stood around her, clueless as to what to say.  
"Don't worry, Rach. You'll find someone." Monica said soothingly as she stroked Rachel's hair. They were once again talking about another failed date, this time, a no show.  
"Oh come on!" Rachel snapped angrily. "When was the last time I had a serious relationship?"   
"Um..." Chandler said as he tried to remember.  
"It was Ross!" Rachel exclaimed pointing at him. "And that was Ross!" She said, emphasising his name.  
"Hey!" Ross said guardedly.  
"Sorry." Rachel mumbled miserably. "It's just that my life officially sucks."  
"Hey I'm always here." Joey offered.  
"Thanks." Rachel said sarcastically, brushing them all off and automatically locking herself in her room.  
"I can't believe this is happening to her She's the best woman I know. She deserves more than this." Monica said.  
"I know. First her dad dies, her sister is in a car accident, she loses her job, and these stupid losers she dates are being losers!" Phoebe said dramatically.  
"I guess she doesn't feel loved. Most people that she's known and loved are eventually getting hurt. Maybe she's afraid of that happening with us." Chandler stated.  
"Well we all love her!" Joey was quick to add.  
"I think she knows that, Joe." Ross said sarcastically.  
"Her life's slowly going downhill. Everything that she's ever known is becoming a fallacy."   
Over the next few days, Rachel tried to take her life into perspective, be glad for what she did still have, but instead of life looking up, it seemed to sink into an even deeper hole.  
She realized that she had reached a state of depression where she didn't think anyone could have ever been. She found herself unable to sleep night after night, only falling asleep for 2-3 hours a night. She paced her apartment all day, taking pauses only long enough to run to the bathroom and throw up the little that her friends had forced her to eat. She saw that they were all doing the best they could to help her, and she loved them for that. But every time she saw them without her around, they were always happy. She hadn't been happy for a long time... for what felt like eternity.   
But Ross--- he didn't seem happy either. She had also noticed that Ross spent every waking minute of his devoted to her. Rachel would find him at the door in the middle of the night with Chinese food and a movie. They would sit down and Ross would wrap his arms around her and hold her still... seemingly noticing how her legs were bouncing up and down, ready to pace the apartment for another night. He read to her and made her warm milk to help her sleep every night, knowing it wasn't helping her insomnia as much as making her calmer. But every morning after spending a night with Ross, Rachel would feel more relaxed, but by mid-day she'd be right back to pacing and wishing her life would end. Then when Ross came to her straight after work, or after a lousy date, he would just hold her and let her talk to him. These things became such regular occurrences, that she wasn't surprised if Ross was waiting for her when she got home from a walk.  
One day Rachel woke up with a start and looked at the clock. It was 4:30 in the morning. She had gotten her record low of 47 minutes of sleep. She lay back down and waited to see if another bout of drowsiness would take her over, but it didn't. Ross had suggested she go to a specialist in depression and insomnia but she had outright refused, stating that there was nothing wrong with her, that she could work it out for herself. How she wished that Ross had handcuffed her and dragged her to see someone... she was just afraid to admit her weakness. Lying in bed for another hour didn't bring sleep, so she stood up and walked outside, pausing to regain her composure on her doorframe as dizziness swept over her. She stood there for a solid 2 minutes before her head cleared of the abnormal pain and she walked into the living room, and began walking back and forth for another long day.  
Crouching over the toilet at 3 in the afternoon didn't help. She had just thrown up more than she could have imagined she ate in a week. Her eyes were stinging and dropping tears consistently. She was so tired that her tear ducts were leaking. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. Sweat was glistening all over her body and little beads were dripping from her hairline, where there was vomit caked on little strands. She disgustedly stepped into the shower, running the water as cold as she could. By the time she got out, her frail body was blue from the cold. She went into her bedroom and threw on her clothes, looking at herself in the mirror once again. She couldn't help but laugh.  
"No wonder no one wants me." She thought to herself. "That's it."  
She ran into the kitchen as tears poured down her face, picked up her keys and found a piece of paper. She began to frantically write whatever came to her mind and slammed it down on the kitchen table and ran out the door before she could change her mind.  
When Ross came through that same door 10 minutes later, the apartment was deserted.  
"Hey babe! I'm home!" Ross called our jokingly. When no reply came, he checked the apartment and found it empty. He headed over to the kitchen to see if she had left a note, and saw that there was one on the kitchen table.   
  
Friends are the most precious things in life, never forget that. I'm sick of everything that's wrong in my life, and I don't feel like I've been a very good friend, dragging you all down with me with every new day. You guys made it so much easier to live.   
If you think I'm bluffing,  
You're wrong.   
A blind man can see  
That everything is wrong with me  
Best of luck in life,  
Love Rachel.  
  
"Is this some kind of riddle?" Ross asked as he read the note over 4 times before it finally came to him.  
"Holy shit!" Ross exclaimed as he started to run out the door, note still in hand, catching a glimpse of something shiny behind the door on a string. Monica's Porsche keys.  
Ross grabbed them without a moment's hesitation, and continued running out the door.  
"Bluffing blind man... she's gotta be headed to Blind Man's Bluff." Ross thought to himself as he ran down the stairs 4 at a time.  
As he pulled out of the parking garage leaving black rubber, his mind raced.  
Of all nights, tonight was the one where Ross was going to tell her that he loved her. He was going to ask her to be his girlfriend. If only he hadn't agreed to help set up the new display at the museum, this might never have happened.  
Over the past 10 minutes, Rachel had been having doubts. This would kill her family and friends, as well as her. She would never be able to tell Ross that she loved him, and this might've happened a lot sooner if it wasn't for him. He had made a tremendously difficult time easier for her, which eased the unbelievable pain that had blinded her.  
Rachel's mind began to flashback to memories from the past few days. The most memorable ones kept running through her mind at a slow speed, as if to remind her what she really was risking by doing this. She closes her eyes and recalls the last night where she's sitting glumly on the sofa, when Ross enters carrying 2 bags of popcorn and a crate of Kentucky Fried Chicken. After sitting and talking for hours in his arms, he had stuffed popcorn up his nose and began clucking like a chicken, making Rachel laugh for the firs time in what seemed like an eternity. Ross had later fallen asleep on the couch with his arms around her while she laid under his comforting protective hold smiling to herself.   
Rachel opened her eyes and felt the warm tears streaming down her face. She made no effort to wipe them away, because she knew it wouldn't be able to stop the pain, to stop herself from feeling.  
She sped along the lonesome highway, weaving blindly between cars as they cursed loudly at her. She could see her destination ahead, clear and wide. As she approached the cliff, she sped up. She could see a faint figure standing, blocking her way.   
"Shit." She cursed angrily. She pressed the gas pedal to the floor, hoping that the figure would by some miracle disappear, but it remained still.  
As she ran off the road and dust kicked up from under her wheels, the figure became clearer. His wavy hair stood out and glistened in the fading sunlight, which was slowly starting to settle behind him. The sun illuminated his straight figure, making him seem so perfect. She closed her eyes praying that it wasn't who she thought it was, but when she opened them again her fears were confirmed. It was Ross.  
A frown sat carved on his face as he stood determinedly in her way. She was getting closer to him by the second, but Ross realized that she was all that mattered to him. If she died, she would have to take him with her.  
As she came within seconds of colliding with him and sending his body flying over the edge of the cliff, she realized that she couldn't take his life just to end hers.  
She slammed on the brakes and turned the wheel as far to the right as it would go.  
The car pulled to a sudden screeching halt as it did a 360 before steadying. Ross was standing off to the side and began to rush over, but Rachel scrambled out of the car. She ran as hard as she could, but fell in the dirt, She felt the rocks grind into the palm of her hands. She saw a trail of blood course down over her eye, but she didn't care. She ran to the edge of the cliff looking down over 100's of metres of jagged rocks, boulders and trees.   
"RACHEL!" Ross shouted hysterically as he hurried to catch up.  
Rachel spread her arms and let the wind and fading sunlight sink in one last time. Her shirt billowed in the wind, and her hair blew away from her face, exposing her exquisite beauty.   
Ross watched with a pain deep in his chest. She was so beautiful, he'd rather do this then have her go through with it.  
"Rachel! Step back!" He yelled. The sky was turning to a rich pink before their very eyes, as if to warn Rachel about the beauty tat she would be giving up.  
"I can't, Ross. This is my fate. I'm going over there." Rachel said as she pointed to the pink sky.  
Ross cautiously stepped forward, hastily making his way over to Rachel.  
"Take another step forward and I'll jump right now." Rachel said firmly, but gently.  
"You are my life Rachel. You know that if you jump, I will too." Ross said calmly.  
Rachel turned to him, the peaceful look in her eyes dissipating and being replaced with one of panic and fear.  
"No!" Rachel said, her voice had turned cold.  
"No?" Ross questioned.  
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself over there knowing what I'd done, taking the life of the most beautiful person I had ever met." Rachel smiled softly. Another trail of blood began it's course down her temple, dripping onto her clean white shirt.  
"Rachel, I love you more than anything in the world. You think I'd be able to live with myself knowing I had let you do this?" Ross asked as he took another step closer.  
"You love me?" Rachel asked as her voice cracked.  
"I do, now please come to me." Ross begged as he took another step closer with open arms.  
Rachel, by reflex, took another step backward and her feet found nothing but air.  
"RACHEL DON'T!" Ross screamed as he scrambled over to her, falling into a pothole.  
He heard Rachel's terrified scream as one hand held onto the edge of the cliff.  
Ross tried to stand up but found himself unable to. His foot had twisted at an odd angle, and blood oozed out of cuts on the palms of his hands. He forced himself up and screamed in pain as his foot set onto the ground, but kept running madly to the edge of the cliff where he could hear Rachel's frantic screams, screaming his name over and over again.  
"ROSS!" She sobbed as Ross grabbed her arm.  
"I love you too, Ross." Rachel said as tears streaked down her face, leaving clear traces through the drying blood.  
"I'm sorry, Ross, I'm so sorry." Rachel cried as her hands began to slip out of his. The cuts on his hand had begun to ooze so much blood that it was getting hard to hold onto her.  
"I'm sorry." Rachel said as she let go, and screamed as she fell down to her fate.  
"RACHEL!" Ross screamed hysterically at her fading figure.  
"Rachel." He cried openly, tears streaming down his face in torrents. He heard a thud and the screaming suddenly stopped. He looked down and screamed as loud as he could, thinking that there had to be some way to undo this. He stood up as he kept staring down.   
"She had done it. She did it." Ross thought to himself.  
He looked at the sky one more time and spread his arms as if he were flying.  
"I'm coming, Rach." He whispered as he took one final step forward.  
"Come one." A man said as he grabbed Ross from behind.  
"NO!" Ross screamed as he kicked and struggled against him.  
He felt a swift blow to the back of his head, and all he saw was black.  
He woke up at home alone lying in bed, hoping that it was all a dream, but when he tried to move his leg, he noticed that it was real. His one true love was gone forever, and they would never see each other again... unless...  
Ross limped out of his bed, ignoring the screaming pain in his legs and body, his eyes red and lit with fresh tears. He walked over to the medicine cabinet and opened a bottle of aspirin. He looked at the label, and without another thought hurriedly swallowed them all with a look of satisfaction across his tired and emotionless face.   
He walked into the kitchen and got a pad and pen from the top of the fridge. He was struck by a sudden dizziness, and was forced to sit down and take a breath before he began to write. He sat there for a few minutes. He didn't have a lot of time. When he drew his pen away, he saw that all he had written was  
I'm sorry.  
Love Ross  
His head began to fall on it's own and his eyes began to droop. He suddenly had no control over his body. Ross dragged himself over to the living room couch, trying hard t o breath.  
"I'll be there soon, Rach." Ross said aloud before he sat down and began to wait.  
  
  
Thanks a lot for reading, as always please read and review even if criticism, it really means a lot to me.   
Barbara 


End file.
